EMAIL FROM "LARRY THE LOSER"

9-24-09

I have a question. Do people have fun gambling? Because I don't. I'm not sure if I've ever really had fun gambling. Sure I'm addicted to the rush and it makes watching sports feel like doing coke, but I don't enjoy it. Does everybody feel that way? Like does everybody bet way too much money and then get sick when they lose and not sleep and shit?

I always assumed the answer is yes. I mean what's the point of gambling if you don't bet more than you can afford? Where is the honor in that? Anyway after roughly 25 years of pain and suffering I think I've narrowed down why I never win and consequently hate it so much.

I'm an action junkie

When I start gambling I don't just bet on the things I like. I start betting on everything. I'm talking horse racing, baseball, football, five-inning lines, Dancing With the Stars, American Idol etc. If I can find a line for it I'll bet it. It's simple mathematics that you get vigged to death doing that, but I can't help myself.

Trust me I've given myself the lecture about betting with control thousands of times. I mean you should hear the speeches I give to myself at 4 a.m. when I can't sleep and am staring at the ceiling wanting to smother myself with my pillow. It makes Knute Rockne look like a pussy. But when kickoff is a minute a way, it's like a little Martian climbs into my head and takes over. Half the time I just black out and when I wake up I have every single game on the board. This has been happening for like 20 years now.

Half Time Lines

I guess this could go with point No. 1, huh? I can't stay away from half time lines. I'm like a rat that keeps getting shocked by cheese over and over and over again, and never learns.

I mean how many times do I have to watch the first half of a football game only to see a totally different second half before I realize they aren't related? Seven zillion times? I mean the "hey they couldn't move the ball in the first half so they obviously won't be able to move it in the 2nd half" logic just doesn't work. Somehow though, your brain never seems to be able to process this in time.

I Bet Scared

I'm 32 years old. I'm about to get married in a week. By all accounts I shouldn't be gambling anymore. F@#%, I shouldn't even be looking at the lines. Unfortunately to quote Professor Petrovsky "we  can't run from who we are.  Our destiny chooses us."

So now I just bet scared. I'm always petrified of losing because I need every cent to pay for real-life shit like rent and my wedding, and crap like that. Dropping thousands and just eating spaghetti for a month and not going out doesn't cut it anymore.

I always end up killing myself by not betting things I like when I'm down or chopping my bets in half because I'm afraid to lose. Obviously without fail I always win my smallest bets and the games I don't touch always come in. Then if I happen to get up I go back to normal and start betting on everything with higher amounts. It's a vicious cycle when you think about it and may explain why I've haven't collected in two years.

The NFL is Impossible

I don't care what anybody says. The NFL is impossible to bet on. Impossible.

Anybody who says they know what's going to happen is a liar. Not only is it impossible but it's beyond impossible. Like I know it should be a coin flip whether you win or lose any particular game but it's not.   It's 80/20 you lose. Don't ask me how that's possible but it just is. Like you could bet both sides and you'd middle yourself 87 percent of the time.

Money Ain't Real

This is probably the No. 1 reason why I never win. Money ain't real. Like if I got to Vegas, I'm not throwing down a dime on 10 different games because you'd need 10K cash and I'd probably shit myself doing that.

But not a week goes by where I don't have at least 7 or 8K in play at the same time. It's sickening when you think about it. I mean I freak out on spending 100 bucks at dinner but I'll drop a thousand on a game like it ain't no thing.

Why? Because you don't have to give the cash over. I swear if I had to physically give the money to my bookie before I bet, it would be like the best thing ever to happen to me. But as long as I'm playing with monopoly money I'm going to keep getting my ass kicking and wanting to murder myself every Sunday night.

So there you have it - My top 5 reasons why I haven't collected in over three years.

2. Play within your means and you will ENJOY the great game of College Football Win or Lose!! If you don't have the money right now, but "Love Action" just put $100.00 dollars in your account and wager in $5.00 increments.

3. Shop for lines, try to setup atleast 3 or 4 accounts with reputable sportsbooks. Finding the best line can be the difference in 10-15 Units over the course of a season.

4. Limit the amount of plays you have each week. If you cap games personally, after looking at all angles narrow down your top 5-7 plays. If you tail, read their analysis and then decide for yourself if the games make since. Rate them according to your thoughts based upon their analysis. (Still play only 5-7).

5. Understand each wager placed is YOUR money, and YOU wagered that money. If you lose, you have only YOURSELF to blame. (When one can finally realize this, you will become more successful).

6. KEEP RECORDS. Keep track of EVERY wager placed, I use an excel spread sheet, but you can use whatever you want. This keeps you from lying to yourself about how you are doing over the course of a year.

7. NEVER CHASE!!! If you go on a losing streak (which WILL happen), do not overreact and try and win it all back on "Tuesday night San Diego State Game". If you stay the course and stay logical, you will be back even or on top within the next few weeks.

8. Last but not least, if you go on a cold streak, simply take a few days off. Go spend time with the wife/girlfriend or family and enjoy your life a little. We can all get wrapped up in this secondary world we have created and forget about the great things we put aside for it.

How to Dance in the Rain

It was a busy morning, about 8:30, when an elderly gentleman in his 80's arrived to have stitches removed from his thumb. He said he was in a hurry as he had an appointment at 9:00 am.

I took his vital signs and had him take a seat, knowing it would be over an hour before someone would to able to see him. I saw him looking at his watch and decided, since I was not busy with another patient, I would evaluate his wound. On exam, it was well healed, so I talked to one of the doctors, got the needed supplies to remove his sutures and redress his wound.

While taking care of his wound, I asked him if he had another doctor's appointment this morning, as he was in such a hurry.

The gentleman told me no, that he needed to go to the nursing home to eat breakfast with his wife. I inquired as to her health.

He told me that she had been there for a while and that she was a victim of Alzheimer's disease.

As we talked, I asked if she would be upset if he was a bit late.

He replied that she no longer knew who he was, that she had not recognized him in five years now.

I was surprised, and asked him, 'And you still go every morning, even though she doesn't know who you are?'

He smiled as he patted my hand and said,

'She doesn't know me, but I still know who she is.'

I had to hold back tears as he left, I had goose bumps on my arm, and thought,

'That is the kind of love I want in my life.'

True love is neither physical, nor romantic.

True love is an acceptance of all that is, has been, will be, and will not be.

With all the jokes and fun that are in e-mails, sometimes there is one that comes along that has an important message. This one I thought I could share with you.

The happiest people don't necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the best of everything they have.

I hope you share this with someone you care about. I just did.

'Life isn't about how to survive the storm,

But how to dance in the rain.'

We are all getting Older

Tomorrow may be our turn

THE  BRICK

A young and successful
executive was traveling down a neighborhood street,
going a bit too fast in his new Jaguar. He was
watching for kids darting out from between parked
cars and slowed down when he thought he saw
something. As his car passed, no children appeared.
Instead, a brick smashed into the Jag's side door!
He slammed on the brakes and backed the Jag back to
the spot where the brick had been thrown. The angry
driver then jumped out of the
car, grabbed the nearest kid and pushed him up
against a parked car shouting,
'What was that all about and who are you? Just what
the heck are you doing? That's a new car and that
brick you threw is going to cost a lot of money. Why
did you do it?' The young boy was apologetic.
'Please, mister...please, I'm sorry but I didn't
know what else to do,' He pleaded. 'I threw the
brick because no one else would stop...' With tears
dripping down his face and off his chin, the youth
pointed to a spot just around a parked car. 'It's my
brother, 'he said 'He rolled off the curb and fell
out of his wheelchair and I can't lift him
up.' Now sobbing, the boy asked the stunned executive,
'Would you please help
me get him back into his wheelchair? He's hurt and he's too heavy for me..'
Moved beyond words,
the driver tried to swallow the rapidly swelling
lump in his throat.. He hurriedly lifted the
handicapped boy back into the wheelchair, then took out a linen handkerchief and dabbed at the fresh
scrapes and cuts. A quick look told him everything
was going to be okay. 'Thank you and may God bless
you,' the grateful child told the stranger. Too
shook up for words, the man simply watched the boy!
push his wheelchair-bound brother down the sidewalk
toward their home.
It was a long, slow
walk back to the Jaguar. The damage was very
noticeable, but the driver never bothered to repair
the dented side door. He kept the dent there to
remind him of this message: 'Don't go through life
so fast that someone has to throw a brick at you to
get your attention!' God whispers in our souls and
speaks to our hearts. Sometimes when we don't have
time to listen, He has to throw a brick at us. It's
our choice to listen or
not.

Thought for the
Day:

If God had a
refrigerator, your picture would be on
it.

If He had a wallet,
your photo would be in
it..

He sends you flowers
every spring.

He sends you a sunrise
every morning Face it, friend - He is crazy about
you!

Send this to every
'beautiful person' you wish to
bless.

God didn't promise
days without pain, laughter without sorrow, sun
without rain, but He did promise strength for the
day, comfort for the tears, and light for the
way.

Read this line very
slowly and let it sink
in....

If God brings you to
it, He will bring you through
it.
Pass this message to seven people except you and me. You will receive a miracle tomorrow ( just do  it)!

TIM TEBOW.

BEING TIM TEBOW MUST REALLY SUCK.

HOW ABOUT THAT SET OF TITS? I KNOW, WHEN SHE IS 50 THEY WILL NOT LOOK AS GOOD.

WHO CARES? TODAY THEY ARE AWESOME. TODAY TIS THE ONLY DAY THAT MATTERS.